At Armonk Center for Dance, the teachers begin the feelings of courage and kindness that are present throughout the studio. The dancers continue these feelings by constantly encouraging each other, and striving to be better dancers. The studio operates with a non-competitive atmosphere allowing the dancers to express themselves and make lasting friendships. Students learn to dance and to have self-discipline, self-esteem, teamwork, and the confidence to stand in front of the classroom, the boardroom, and even the courtroom. www.armonkcenterfordance.com
Archives for October 2015
On Being Brave in Preschool
“My stomach feels funny. What if no one likes me? What if someone is mean to me? I think I am going cry. I should turnaround. I am going to close my eyes. Okay I am in. Okay let mommy’s hand go.”
Choosing to be courageous starts at an early age. We see this bravery in our World Cup students every day. From choosing to walk through the doors on their first day of preschool to asking to join in a game with other children, to committing to their first back handspring, even our youngest students amaze us with their valor. As parents and as a community, we should nurture this courage by giving our children the opportunity to make those spirited choices. Challenge them to try new things like a new sport or a new vegetable from the farmer’s market, and make sure to praise them when they do. Introduce them to the brave role models in their neighborhood, from the fireman and policeman to their local politicians. Show courage by your example. Explain to your child how you don’t just follow the crowd but follow your own path based on your beliefs. www.worldcupschools.com
“Are you Willing?”
A first time mother’s infant spikes a fever; a senior living alone has difficulty catching his breath, a teenager in an auto accident. Any of them could be someone you know, someone you love. Who will be there when they need help? You…you can be there when someone needs you the most. Are you willing? If so, come talk to us at Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance: volunteer@chappaquaamblance.org
Little Red White Blue Lies
By Dan Levitz
Many first-time parents realize quickly that honesty is not always the best policy. Situations with children arise where it’s just sensible and prudent to deny them the truth which, if told, may cause fear, anxiety, or any reaction a parent would want to avoid. For example, think of all the kids comforted by their dog or cat going to that idyllic farm upstate. You know, the one with the pet-loving owners with acres of golden sun-soaked fields for Socks or Trixie to romp in unencumbered. Eventually children may catch their parents playing with the truth to be kind: “Mom, why do you now say Aunt Roberta looked like a stuffed sausage in those jeans when you told her she looked cute?” We explain that sometimes in life one may have to be a little dishonest simply to not hurt another’s feelings. The discussion of The Little White Lie can lead to an important moment in a young child’s maturation as they come to realize a rule like “Lying is wrong” absolutely has exceptions. This may be the moment where a child learns that life is not as simple as black and white.
The presidential election is about a year away, but the fun and games have already begun in earnest. Before the leaves of 2015 began to turn, mud had already been slung, party saviors self-appointed and political debate is in the air. I have strong opinions about issues, policy and, most of all, candidates. Believe me, I could go on and on about this candidate who, for many, is refreshingly not politically correct (and, to others, a vulgarian) or that candidate who some see as the latest representative of an exhausted political dynasty (and, to others, a nation’s savior whose turn has finally come ’round). However, when talking about politics, especially with friends, neighbors and relatives, I know from hard-learned experience that a Little White Lie of silence is generally the best policy. And, believe me, I’m using imagery of children with this type of lying quite intentionally!
Years ago, we had a dinner party where a college buddy of mine aggressively offended just about everyone with his political bombast. From fried calamari all the way to the appropriately flavored blood-orange sorbet, our friends felt assaulted. That night, I learned the sanctity of the seating chart and, more importantly, how one must tread cautiously in the context of politics and personal relationships. An even greater lesson was to just keep my mouth shut. You see, I agreed with everything my friend said, but by dumb luck or a rare sensible instinct on my part, I somehow kept my opinions locked down.
Let’s say I’m on line at Lange’s Deli to get my ham & egg on a roll, and another fellow starts with the political chit-chat. The specifics are irrelevant. I go into full political Omerta. I never thought I could truly identify with the characters from Goodfellas, but, in this scenario, De Niro was right about the most beautiful thing in the world: “Always keep your mouth shut!” Especially if the person next to you wants to get into Hillary, Jeb, The Donald, Guns, Gay Marriage, Obama-care, Bernie, or Carson. Or maybe The Godfather had it right when he said, “never tell anyone outside the family what you’re thinking.” I have to admit, it’s not at all bad feeling like a connected guy in these otherwise mundane scenes from real life.
When basketball immortal Michael Jordan was at the peak of his playing days, he was asked to endorse a Democratic African-American candidate from his beloved home state of North Carolina. His Airness flatly refused, and infamously explained that “Republicans buy sneakers too.” At the time, I felt disgusted and betrayed. The cynicism of his response was crass and shocking. I think for many people, that moment destroyed his image of something more than just an athlete/businessman. However, I can’t help but think that if he had just kept his mouth shut about his politics (or lack of political commitment), he might have maintained the transcendent high-regard he’d experienced up to that point. Eiether way, there is power to be gained from the restraint of keeping it to yourself.
I’d be remiss to at least not touch on social media in regards to political discussion. Ugh! I’m something of a lurker, keeping virtually quiet, but the “discussions” there are just astounding and often times vicious. Between memes, links and video, what used to be just a vigorous verbal debate can now devolve quickly into a full blown multi-media personal attack. I think the false feeling of distance provided by typing in your underwear allows people a frankness and directness that, in real life, would be amazingly inappropriate. Again, I urge restraint and civility, especially when online.
It may sound counter-intuitive or passive to deny expressing one’s opinions when confronted with a conflicting view. As a young man, I would never back down from any kind of discussion especially if my sensibilities were offended. However, the idealism of youth tends to mellow towards a more realistic perspective; one forged to make it easier to just get through the day and simply avoid those inevitably unwinnable political debates. The political, issue-oriented milieu is not one that results in agreement or positional adjustment. Now, if you’d like to debate Yankees vs. Sox (not this year!), Beatles vs. Stones (not easy) or evolution vs. creationism, I’m right there ready to go. Well, then again, maybe not that last one!
Dan Levitz, an art dealer and writer, has lived in Chappaqua for 12 years and has a blog on The Huffington Post.
Life Begins at the End of your Comfort Zone
By Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC
I received a candle with the above quote from one of my clients. I’m so glad that message resonated with her, as it rings so true for me as well. Most of us are afraid of the unknown and pushing ourselves beyond our limits. We are comfortable with the familiar, and have trouble with change, even if the “familiar” isn’t serving us so well. Doing something new or different produces anxiety by its very nature. Our brains have to switch out of autopilot (default mode) and focus on the new circumstances. Without this ability, there can be no courage.
Courage comes from the Latin words for heart and era meaning “the era of the heart,” symbolizing the conscious decision to follow your heart. Courage means willing to be vulnerable. To have courage means to “put yourself out there,” even if you may fail. Courage does not mean that you don’t get afraid. You feel the fear and do it anyway. It means that you start to master the fear and it doesn’t prevent you from following what you believe to be right or do what needs to be done.
No one is fearless. Being fearless sounds great and inspiring, but the fear always returns and the inner voice will always be there second guessing,(unless, of course, you’re Donald Trump). Our critical side is there to protect us from pain, vulnerability and failure. We have to acknowledge the voice, but not pay much attention to it. We can thank it for trying to keep us safe, and keep mov- ing toward our goals. The people we admire for being fearless are not. They are just good at managing their fears and keeping them at a distance.
Most people play it safe for fear of ridicule, failure and shame. This is a creativity and innovation killer. It is a travesty in the workplace because we are cheated out of wonderful ideas from employees who do not have the courage to take risks. Furthermore, those who go to Ivy League schools may not have the courage to take a challenging math or science course because of the fear of not having a perfect grade, cheating the world of their brilliance. As a culture, when we use shame to motivate, either in the workplace, school, family or even in The Biggest Loser show, it may work temporarily, but will eventually ham- per willingness to take the risk to do something truly courageous and mean- ingful. The same goes for our children. As parents, we may want to stop emphasizing achievement as the marker of self worth. They need to know they are special, win or lose. That way they will not fear failure and always be will- ing to take risks and know whatever the outcome, they are still worthwhile. We need to be proud of them for just showing up and willing to take risks.
Our core beliefs can also hinder us from being courageous. When I first started my business, I struggled with my belief about myself that I couldn’t speak in public. How was I going to get my message out there? I had to acknowledge the fear and do it anyway. My first “mindfulness” group was in my basement with six friends. I remember not being able to eat beforehand because I was so nervous (and nauseous).
The first ten minutes were awful and I’m sure my voice was shaky. What was I so afraid of? What would they think of me? That was my ego talking, the inner critic who always second guesses. When I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, and focused on getting my message out there, I was at ease. Just because I haven’t done it before, didn’t mean I wasn’t capable. It wasn’t easy, and still isn’t, but each time it gets easier. It also doesn’t hurt that I begin the workshops with a meditation!
Political candidates and public figures are no different. It is courageous to put yourself out there and subject yourself to endless criticism. Every- thing you’ve ever done gets rehashed, and people are always there to watch you fall.
Now with social media, people can be exceptionally cruel and more anonymous. It takes tremendous courage to stand up for what you believe and make changes. Maybe we can all think about that the next time we attack a candidate with whom we don’t agree. The courage is showing up and playing the game.
I will leave you with part of Theodore Roosevelt’s speech from The Man in the Arena that perfectly describes true courage.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC is a psychotherapist and holistic health coach at The Center for Health and Healing in Mt. Kisco. She specializes in helping busy men and women reduce stress and anxiety using mindfulness and meditation. Jodi runs a Mindfulness Bootcamp group called “Mindful is the New Skinny,” and speaks to various groups, schools and organizations on the topic. Please visit www.jodibaretz.com.